I Met The One!

As I'm processing the last two years and preparing to head back to America (May 3rd) I can't help but think about "the one".

Yes, I'm 36 and single but no, I'm not talking about that "the one". Gotcha! I'm referring to the one that is overlooked. The one that is desperate for acceptance in a society that strives to not feel emotion. The one that is tormented. The one that is misunderstood. The one without hope.

John 4:4 tells us that Jesus had to go through Samaria. He didn't have to because it was the common route. He had to because "the one" was going to be at the well.

In that time it was unlikely and uncommon for a Jew to pass through Samaria. I can only imagine the disciples thinking to themselves that it was a bad idea and that they didn't want to go.

That didn't stop Jesus. There was a woman that needed to meet him and rules about Jews not traveling through Samaria weren't going to stop him. Not only was her life changed forever, she shared her experience with Jesus with her town and many believed in Him.

In my time in Thailand so far I have met "the one". Some of my students are "the one". The one that wants to become a Christian but fears abuse from their parents. The one that struggles to fit in and have friends because they are a Christian. The one whose parents left them or are working in another town. The one that is responsible to earn merit for their mothers and themselves so that they might tip the scales of karma in their favor. The one that isn't accepted by their community.

Everyday I see the one. The one that Jesus loves desperately and has given me opportunity and responsibility to introduce them to Him.

In my years as a missionary I have been asked why I do what I do. I have been told I can do this or that when I get a "real job". I have experienced a loneliness that was nearly unbearable. I have 11 nieces and nephews that are my world but I have to watch them grow up through pictures and facetime. Leaving my country to live in a new culture and learn a new language is less than easy or comfortable. Visas, immigration, government requirements constantly changing, work permits. Not as fun as it sounds.

I have to "go through Samaria" like Jesus did. I have to go to the one and let them know who Jesus is. I have to go to the places that some people wouldn't go or can't understand. I do it for the one.

I met the one and I'm in love!

I hate everything about how 2017 started

2017 did not start off with warm fuzzies and blissful but I'm happy about that.

Maybe I was a little dramatic on my title. I blame the readers who only read blogs with dramatic titles. You know who you are. 😉

I know hate is a strong word but it best expresses how I feel about injustice, being cold, being scared, and cats. Other things I strongly dislike would be being uncomfortable, taking risks that don't make sense, bad drivers...

School was out 31 Dec - 3 Jan. So "the girls" (my older students that are more like friends) wanted to go to Pai Sunday and come back Monday. It had been cool and rainy which wasn't ideal weather for a long bike ride but I agreed to go. I tend to over pack so this time I brought the bare minimum. After all it was just one night. I brought a shirt, 2 pairs of undies, and toiletries. I could wear my hoodie and jeans and socks (don't judge) again.

What should have been a 3 hr drive ended up being 5. That's a long time on a motorbike! The road to Pai has 762 curves. Yes, you read that right 7 6 2 curves. I get motion sickness just looking at the "curvy road ahead" sign. Thankfully, being on the bike with the cold wind on my face helped me to not really get motion sick.

We got to the place where we were going to stay for the night. It was dark by this time but from what I could tell of this place is was basically a hippie/squatter type campground. We rented a couple of bungalows that had bunkbends in them. There were tents all around and open sleeping areas. They did have warm showers and electricity so that was nice.

We checked into our rooms and walked to the night market down the street.

As we're walking around one of the girls comes up to me and puts her arm around my arm and her head on my shoulder. With a sly grin she asks, "Can we stay the night again tomorrow near a waterfall? It's cold and foggy! It will be so beautiful! Please??"

"Cold? Foggy? Another night I wasn't mentally prepared for? I don't have enough clothes for that." All things that ran through my mind. Not to mention I was over being cold.

I asked where we would sleep. She told me we can rent a tent. What??! What about sleeping bags and blankets? We can rent those too.

I told them that we can take a look at the place then I'll decide.

We got back to our room and attempted to get some sleep.

I don't know that I got much sleep if any that night. The tent behind our bamboo room was occupied by some men that didn't know how to talk to the people next to them without yelling. I put in my head phones and tried to settle my mind with some I Love Lucy. If you ask me, the men in that tent thought it was their job to keep anyone around them from sleeping. They were determined to stay awake and stay loud.

Morning rolls around and we get ready and check out by 8am. We couldn't leave that place fast enough haha.

We spent the day exploring. It was slightly warmer than the day before and not raining so that was nice. There were even times that the clouds broke and you could feel the sunshine. I could immediately feel my mood change and was able to enjoy the day. It was a fun day!

That evening we made our way to the top of the mountain to the campsite. It was so cold! And so foggy! There were 5 of us but they decided that a 3 person tent would fit us all. They kept asking me if I could sleep in a tent or if I was able to camp. Of course I can! I grew up camping and I've camped out in the desert of Kenya a few different times. Camping isn't hard for me haha. Come to find out, they have never been camping. They were concerned about me being able to handle but they had never done it before lol!

We rented our tent, sleeping bags, and blankets and got set up. As the night went on the fog rolled in and the temp got colder. At one point they made an announcement warning campers that showering too late in the day could be dangerous because you might not be able to get warmed up. The showers did not have water heaters. The girls and I decided that washing our faces and brushing our teeth would suffice until we got home the next day.

The tent to the left of us was about 10-12 inches away from ours. The one on the right was about two feet away. Around 1am the campers on the right got a phone call that a family member had died. It took them about 2 hours to clean up their campsite. They were yelling and upset and apparently had to make sure everyone around them knew what was going on. (I didn't know their family member died until the morning when the girls explained to me what had happened. They only knew because of how loud the campers were talking.) One guy in the tent on the left, the one closest to me, snored so loud the entire night! So, another uncomfortable night of no sleep and mounting frustration.

We got up the next day and started the process cleaning up the campsite. We brought the blankets and sleeping bags back to the office area. They put them right back on the shelves. No washing or sanitizing them at all. I did my best to not throw up or show my complete disgust and prayed that God would help to not think about how many people could have used those or what could have happened on them. I am so uncomfortable just thinking about that. We grabbed our backpacks and made long trek home.

I hate how 2017 started but not for all of the reasons you think. Yes I hate that I was cold. I hate that I couldn't sleep. I hate that I used blankets that only God knows who else used. I hate that I didn't shower. I hated being uncomfortable and inconvenienced.

Know what I hated more than that? I hated that I almost missed out on having a good time and making memories with the girls. I hate that I avoid being uncomfortable or inconvenienced. I hate that I have missed out on other adventures or memories with people simply because I want to be comfortable.

I had to tell myself, "You're cold, not dying. You're uncomfortable, not dying. You're inconvenienced, not dying."

So I decided to embrace being uncomfortable and inconvenienced. I decided to look for the good and even enjoy the people and the things in those moments. I might have hated how 2017 started but I wouldn't change it. It has propelled me into a new mindset. It has challenged me to embrace being uncomfortable. To allow myself to be inconvenienced for the sake of others.

No, this does not mean that I will do the Flight of the Gibbons zipline here in Chiang Mai lol! But it does mean that I will experience more in life. 2017 is going to be my most uncomfortable year yet!

Here's a short video of our trip!

"P' Sara's Barber Shop. It's Free!"

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to cut hair. It was a dream turned desire turned passion. My Aunt Denise is a major influence behind that passion. She used to cut my hair when I was kid. I looked up to her and when she told me how she started cutting hair it sparked the dream in me.

This dream is much deeper than wanting to be like my aunt. I know in the depths of my being that God used my aunt to reveal His dream for me.

I was in high school or soon after that when I first started cutting hair. I cut my dad's hair, my brother's and his friends, some neighborhood boys, and my friend's kids hair.

As deep as my desire to cut hair is my desire to do free haircuts. I've always had a heart for the underprivileged, the overlooked. Giving the haircuts is payment enough for me.

About 10 yrs ago I accidentally messed up on one haircut. He cried. I cried haha. And just like that I quit cutting hair. I took that as a sign that I should just let it go. I hadn't gone to school for it and I didn't think I ever would.

That passion died back down to just a dream that I once had. Until now.

I've been in Thailand for just over a year now. Last year a boy came to the center after school. It looked like he had gotten in a fight with a lawnmower and lost. I thought maybe he had taken the scissors to his head. After all, he was a 7 yr old boy. They do silly things sometimes.

Turns out, if the boys let their hair get longer than the school allows, the teachers will cut random parts of their hair. They do this to force the boys to go to the barber. When I saw him and heard what had happened I couldn't help but want to set up shop at the center.

In the last month I have done a couple of hair cuts at the center. One was to prevent the shameful chopping of the hair and one to fix it. I'm not sure who was more happy, me or them haha.

After his haircut he said, "P' Sara's barber shop. It's free!" 

Last year before I came to Thailand I traveled around the south with Mary Beth and her dad, Mike. They were itinerating and graciously invited me along. I got to share about #MissionThailand and sold some shirts along the way.

While in Louisiana we stayed with a couple. Very nice, friendly, generous people. They had known me for all of two days and committed to supporting me monthly. It goes to show that God has his own ways of providing.

But that's not the best part. Last week FedEx delivered a box to my house. I got a message from the aforementioned husband that explained the package. God had given him a dream one night that I would be cutting hair. (There's more to the dream but I want to keep that private for now.) Rather than writing it off because he doesn't know me, he instead bought me clippers, scissors, a cape, combs, and barbicide. The moment I opened the box I started crying. It reminded me of my passion to cut hair. Over the last few months I have been thinking about going to barber college when I get back to America next year. It will give me the skills I need to be the "barber" I have always wanted to be. Then, when I get back to Thailand, or wherever I am in the world, I can cut hair with confidence.

Meanwhile, I will be cutting hair at the center. Though my cuts will be basic they will keep the boys from being shamed and will start me on the path to God's plans for me as a barber.

I wanted to share this with you to encourage you to never ever give up on your God given desires and passions. For 10 yrs I let fear, doubt, and insecurity bully me. I can get lost in regret thinking about those years and that I should have gone to school. But my God is a God of redemption. He can redeem and awaken what was lost or seemingly dead. Not just dreams but relationships and anything you may think can't be fixed.

Anticipating all that God has for me as I step up and live out this passion. I've been able to accept that I may never be a mother but I just couldn't accept that I would never cut hair. I'm humbled by the family that was obedient in sending me that package. I'm humbled that after all of these years the time has come for my dream to become a reality. I am forever grateful for Jesus. His love, salvation, redemption, grace, mercy. May all that I do honor Him!

P' Sara's barber shop is now open!

I Was Just Following P'Sara

I've been going back and forth about sharing what happened last night. It has been on my mind all day.

Yesterday, Saturday, was just like all of the other Saturdays. Until it wasn't. We had Bible story and games at the center. It was my bi-monthly crossfit work out day aka swim day. Everything was going along as usual.

Evening rolled around and it was time for Bible Study with "the girls" (the older 18-21 yr old girls from the center). My co-laborers had a maternity class and weren't able to make it to Bible study. So, the girls and I went to a coffee shop/restaurant down the street.  We talked about the things God has been speaking to us about and the things that we need prayer for.

I confessed that I had be feeling like I'm not good enough to be here or to do the things that I know God is asking me to do. I asked them to pray that I would be confident in why God has me in Thailand and that my faith would be stronger.

The girls took turns sharing. One wants to know more about the Holy Spirit, to improve her english, and to do well as a leader at the center. Another asked for prayer to be brave for the kids that look up to her. To be a good example for them. She is also in the process of getting her Thai ID card. She wants the process to go smoothly and hopes she doesn't have to pay off corrupt gov't officials to get it in a timely manner. The other wants to be an english major and have her own business one day. She shared that the students that have a lot of money or have family members that already own a business are more likely to own a business.

I stopped her and told her something I'm not sure has been told before. The tears led me to believe she needed to hear these words. "God is your Father. He has more than enough to provide for you. He will never run out of money. If He has put it in your heart to own a business He will make it happen. Don't let anything stop you from pursuing that dream. You are God's daughter."

I expressed to the girls that God is the king of kings. The lord of lords. And that makes us princesses. It is important for us to remember who we are. If we know who we are we can do the things that God wants us to do. If we know who we are we won't let lies deter us.

We prayed for each other and ended our dinner with encouraged hearts. It was about 8:30 pm or so by this time. We decided to go to Walking Street market. We got there, walked around and bought a few things, had some good laughs then headed home.

The girls stay at my house every Saturday. We were about 5 mins from my house when it happened. A truck hit a motorcycle with two exchange students on it. We missed it by less than a minute. Traffic came to an abrupt stop. I see a woman on the ground and her friend next to her. Nobody was helping them. I jumped off my bike and ran to them. There was food strewn all across the three lane road.

I get to the woman and see that her foot was cut to the bone. I was looking around for something to stop the bleeding. I contemplated ripping my shirt off but quickly vetoed that idea lol. Next thing I know one of my girls was standing next to me and handed me her sweater. I quickly wrapped the sweater around the woman's foot to try to keep her from losing any more blood.

The injured woman could only speak Chinese. Her friend could speak Thai and Chinese. My student was helping to communicate with them and the EMT that arrived a few minutes after we did. (I'm so proud of her!) We stayed until they got the woman in an ambulance. It was a bit of a whirlwind. One of those instances when you act first think later.

We made back to my house safely but heavy hearted. We started to process what we saw and what we did. We prayed for the girls on the bike and for the man that hit them.

Then, in Thai, the student that was helping me with the woman, says, "I was just following P'Sara. She ran to help her and I went with her."

That was so eye opening for me. I was just doing something most anyone else would have done. I didn't stop to think about who would be watching me or following me. I just responded.

That's what has been on my mind today. Whether I'm helping a bleeding woman in the street or playing with the kids or figuring out life there are eyes watching me and feet following me. What I do and how I respond in any situation will influence the people around me especially my girls.

We are all people of influence and we are all subject to influence. I want to be proud (not prideful) when I hear the words "I was just following you". Last night really challenged me to make sure that I am doing all that I can to reflect Jesus. Not Sara.

If your friends or child or co-worker said "I was just following you" would you smile or cringe?

My New Normal #thelifeofThai

Last month I wrote a blog about how newsletters are hard because living in Thailand is my new normal. This month I would like to expand on that. I want to share with you some of the things that are now my new norm.

Where do I start? Let's start with the food. Thai food is oh so good and cheap! If you didn't have rice with your meal then it was more or less a snack haha. The Thai people like their food spicy. If it isn't spicy then it is bland. Or if you're like me and you can't eat spicy food then you get the child's version of the dish. Yeah, it can be embarrassing but this is my life now ha! Most Thai dishes are around 35 baht ($1). You can't beat that!

If you get your food to go it comes in little plastic bags. It might not look like a lot of food but it is! For you adventurous types, there's an array of fried insects to choose from. I've also seen squid on a stick, octopus leg on a stick, and various other types of sea creatures on a stick. Me, I prefer pork on a stick with sticky rice. One of my favorite things! Another cool thing is that you can eat the food from the street carts. Not something I've done in the other countries I've been to. I could go on and on about the food. But there's far too much to share!

Next, let's talk about driving. We drive on the left side of the road here. It isn't as hard to adjust to if you ride a motorbike. A car is a different story. I've driven both and I much more prefer the bike.

There's another kid between the parents

I feel 10x safer on a bike here than I do in the states. Motorbikes are a very common mode of transportation. So most drivers are very aware and mindful of us bike riders. It is easy to find parking. You get to weave your way to the front of the line at the stop light. And, according to the other drivers, the no u-turn sign doesn't apply to bikes. Sometimes bikes are driving against the flow of traffic. Sometimes you're that guy. Also, sidewalks are more like little side roads for motorbikes. Entire families fit on a bike. Grocery shopping can be challenging but you just find a way to make it work.

The downside to bikes... the a/c stops when you stop. Getting stuck behind a garbage truck is the worst! It smells so bad and you can't plug your nose. Driving behind a truck carrying dirt? Ouch! It's like teeny tiny needles poking any part of your skin that is exposed. I've taken a few insects to the neck, too haha. A butterfly hurts more than you'd think. Also, sneezing with your helmet on is just not cool.

 Kids start learning to ride a bike around 8 years old. Some as young as 12 or 13 have their own bikes.


I can't go into detail and put up pics of everything that is my new normal but here's a list...

 Language school. Two hours of class each day four days a week. It is mentally exhausting but I am enjoying it!
I get to help disciple 5 amazing young women! Watching them grow in the Lord is my heart's delight. Every saturday night they stay at my house. They keep me young lol.
My students at the center. I can't imagine my life without them. I look forward to my time with them every week!
There are no heaters. Not that you need them often but still. Even the cars don't have heat.
I have to miss birthdays and moments with my family. I get to see them on the screen of my phone but I miss hugging them and laughing with them.
We take our shoes off before entering a room, house, building, and some small stores.
There's no carpet in the houses.
Before every movie at the theater we must stand for the King's song. Movie tickets are only about $5 so it's okay :)
People here are calm
If you want to know about anything political or in the news or anything really, you have to look for the information. It is not constantly thrown in you your face.
There's a slow pace of life here. The focus is more on community and less about just yourself.
Spirit houses. Little houses (kind of like over sized, extravagant bird houses) are everywhere. Food, drink, and incense are set out every day to appease the spirits that reside there.
When you greet someone you wai. Hands together just under your nose with a slight bow.
I get 20 liters of water for about 95 cents
There's a festival for everything

I get to teach the bible to some really awesome kids each week
Some students can't tell their parents that they are Christians so they go to the center to study the Bible
I walk down roads where chickens are just hanging out
Line is the app to have
You can wear flipflops 11 1/2 months out of the year
Lots of westerners here with absolutely no regard for Thai culture. It's embarrassing. Tip: if you visit a foreign country do some research on how not offend them.
7-11 is your one stop shop. You can pay your bills, buy food, school supplies, up the minutes on your cell phone. Pretty much everything except buy gas.
If you're at a market and there isn't a price tag on an item the price is negotiable.

Those are just a few of the things that are part of my normal, everyday, life. Wish we could sit down together and laugh about the silly things and pray about the heavy things. I like my new "normal". I like that I get to live here and share the Hope of Christ with a people that are desperately seeking hope.

If you want to know more about any of these things let me know! If you want to make a donation or a monthly commitment to #MissionThailand and be part of #thelifeofThai with me click here!! Thank your for your support!!

Working the rice fields

Bible story time!

Shoes at the entrance of a temple

A view of Chiang Mai

Salty, sweet, spicy, and sour.

My Truth About Newsletters

Newsletters are hard, y'all. They used to be easier. So much to tell and with such fervor.

But, now I'm living in Thailand. Nearly eight months into my 2 yr term and this is my life now. Driving on the left side of the road. Language school. Playing with the kids at the center. Eating rice or noodles for most meals. Riding a motorcycle. Being mostly disconnected from what's going on in America. Only seeing my family on the screen of my phone. Missing birthdays and holidays and little moments. Wearing flip flops year round. Being 13 hours ahead of my family.

So how do I decide what to write about? What part of my everyday life do I share? There aren't too many things that seem out of the ordinary that scream "people need to see this!". Don't get me wrong. I LOVE sharing #thelifeofThai with you. I really like doing what I can to let you into my new life. It is a fun, challenging, sometimes lonely, happy, fulfilled life.

Imagine, if you will, that you had to write an update about your life...

"I sent some emails today."
"Gave a high five to a coworker that found out he's going to be a dad."
"The kids took a nap today."
"Turned in a report that wasn't due until tomorrow."
"At lunch I paid for my friend's meal."

Lol!

Everyday life doesn't seem newsworthy but I try my best to share with you what I'm experiencing. I hope that you feel like you are part of what I'm doing. If there is anything you want to know more about feel free to contact me. Like I said, most of my life here has become normal.

Though most of it is my new normal, God is doing some amazing things!!

Spending time with the kids at the center and getting to know them is one of my favorite things to do. Seeing the older students become young adults and maturing in the Lord makes me so proud. Nearly every week since I've been here new students have started going to the center. Not because of me but because of what God is doing. They get to hear about Jesus every week. For as long as they go to the center they will know that Jesus loves them. And hopefully they will take that with them the rest of their lives.  I am building a good relationship with my Thai teacher. We even hang out outside of class.

Newsletters are hard. So much has become my new normal and so much is happening. It is hard to put into a short letter but I try.

If you want to keep up with what I'm doing in between newsletters follow me on social media.

Facebook Twitter Instagram

Much love.

Moms

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of having dinner at the home of some of my students.
We all gathered on a deck outside in the cool of the evening.  Us 4 Americans dug in a engaged in fun conversations with the teens.

As the night drew on and we were full beyond the point of gluttony the conversations slowed and the Americans headed home. I stayed a little longer because freedom - I mean I'm single and don't have any kinds!



Then something cool happened. Something my heart could feel but my mouth couldn't find the words to express. All I could do was smile. I felt like what a mug probably feels like when you pour hot tea in it.

All the mothers come to the table to eat. I admired these women. I was humbled by them. I thought of my own mom. And all the mothers I've had the honor of spending time around the table with around the world.

All around the world you'll find mothers being the last to eat. These amazing women made some equally amazing dinner and dessert for a big group of farangs (foreigners). After we ate until our stomachs were near combustion and after we chatted with each other and with the girls and after giving some food to go (not to mention working then coming home and cooking and being wives and mothers) these moms sat down to enjoy dinner themselves.

They might speak a different language or dress different or live in a different country but there is a similarity that connects every mother. The love they have for their families. The desire they have for the children to be full, smart, clean, loved. Putting themselves last.

It is beautiful. Should I have children of my own one day I would count it a great honor to be part of such a strong, kind, caring group of women.

If your mom put herself last for you call her today and tell her thank you. If you are a mother and you sometimes feel unappreciated I want you to know that your hard work does not go unnoticed. Your children will one day see all that you sacrifice for them. If you are a father take the time today to do something special for your wife. Get the kids involved. Don't wait for Mother's Day to love on mom.

To my mom,
Thank you for your humility and kindness and love. Thank you for everything that you have sacrificed for my sake and for my siblings. I can only hope to be half as amazing as you are!! I love you!

Like And Share And God Will Bless You

I want to preface this blog with why I DO LIKE social media.

I like social media because...
I travel the world and social media makes it easy to know what's going on anywhere at anytime.
I can keep in contact with my family and friends.
I can update all of my amazing supporters on how life is in Thailand or wherever it is I go.
I get to see/read the heart of like minded people and those that have different views. It challenges me to know who I am, to know Jesus more, and how to love better.
I get to share my heart and jokes and my missionary life.
Missing children can be found
Long lost family members and friends can be reunited
You can follow along with your favorite actor or author or athlete or artist or speaker
And lots more.

If you are on facebook at all I'm certain you've scrolled across a post that has some sort of God or religious story or quote and asks you to like and share the post.

This is part of social media that I DO NOT like. It literally makes me sick to my stomach the amount of manipulative posts that are posted AND shared. Too many people are using God to get likes and shares. That's the bottom line to these things, likes and shares.

If a bible verse or a story or a quote impacts you then I'm all for sharing it. I do it all the time. When you add "if you love Jesus then like and share" or "I know most of you won't share this but my real friends will" or "type amen and like and share and God will bless you" or anything like that you are manipulating people. It isn't right. It isn't how God works.

Jesus died on the cross because he wants a relationship with us. He loves us. He wants us to know him. He didn't endure the cross so that we can get likes and shares. True Christianity is bigger and more powerful and greater than any facebook post or anything you find on social media. It's easy to share a post. Easy to share a scripture verse. But your social media life isn't going to be standing before Jesus one day. You are. I am. How we loved God and loved others will be on the table. Those posts are going to hold any weight at that time.

This upsets me because there are so many people that misrepresent Christ. It upsets me because I see family and friends falling prey to these posts. It upsets me because these posts portray God as some sort of genie. "Like if you believe in God and he will doing something good for you." It upsets me that people settle for sharing a post rather than surrendering to Christ.

The bible is clear about what our lives should look like if we say we love him and know him. Not one time does it mention anything about social media. It does however talk about our social behavior and our hearts.

Please reconsider sharing and liking these manipulative posts as it only promotes manipulation and the total misrepresentation of Jesus. If someone is sharing from their heart that's different. A person that is secure in themselves and wants to be genuine on social media will not manipulate you into sharing and liking.

Thanks for listening. Back to your regularly scheduled weekend. :)

March Madness

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with basketball. March was a busy month for me :)

On March 9th I headed to Dallas to apply for my Thai visa. Little did I know that I was going to spend the next month traveling to different states meeting new people, visiting family I haven't seen in 20 years, getting new supporters, spending time with friends, attending new churches, and volunteering at my first ever (hopefully not my last) Eurasia Experience.

Let's start with Texas. I arrived in Dallas welcomed by my best friend and the gloomy rain. I had a smile on my face and happy heart. Early the next morning I was on my way to the Thai Consulate. Within 10-15 mins I had my visa and was one step closer to heading to Thailand!!! (PS "everything is bigger in Texas" applies to the pot holes too!)

I had the privilege of going to Round 'Em Up Cowboy Church with my cousin Lauren and her family. Great people! There was a potluck dinner before church and let me tell you, it was delicious!

I met with the Pastor and he said he the church would support me monthly. That makes me the first missionary that the church supports. What an honor!

I spent the next few days with my family. Most of them I hadn't seen in 20+ years. I don't think I stopped smiling. We had great conversations and made forever memories.

From there I made my way to Vivian, LA with Mary Beth and her dad, Mike. They did missions service at Starting Point church. Mike and Mary Beth shared about their ministries and I got to tag along. I'm glad I did! What a wonderful group of people. I felt like I had known them for years. (Something I'm finding is very common in the south).  I sold some Mission: Thailand shirts and got some new prayer partners. Good times.

That was week 1. Week 2 I spent in Missouri. Since I had lived in MO while working for Convoy of Hope a lot of my stuff was still there. So, I wanted and needed to go through it and get it situated before I leave the country. It was all stored at my friend's brother's house. He and his family live in Lake Ozark. I didn't mind to spend a few days there :)


As we roughed it on the lake, Mary Beth found an apartment in Springfield. Now she has a place to live and I have a place to store my stuff :D We spent week 3 moving her in and getting settled in. I gave two suitcases full of clothes and stuff to Goodwill, threw some stuff away, brought some home with me, and whittled what was left down to three bins. What a relief to get all of that taken care of. While in Springfield I also got to meet up with some CoH co-workers and some of my interns. And of course stopped by the infamous intern wall.

Week 4 I volunteered with the Eurasia team in Louisiana. Since Mary Beth is the new director I couldn't pass up the opportunity to work with her again. And of course see the Eurasia Experience for the first time. (For more information about the Eurasia Experience and to book it at your church click here). This particular event was held at the LA youth convention. 100's of youth spent their weekend seeking Jesus and also got to walk through the EE. I can't post pics of the actual event but I can give you a glimpse of some of it. Several students were called to missions. It was a blessing to have been there and maybe even been a small part of that.
 There's no way I can share all that happened in the past month in one blog. I learned much about myself, ministry, friendship, and developed a deeper hunger for Truth.

Thank you to everyone that took me in along the way!! Too many to name but know that I cherish each of you. Thank you to the King family that is more like a second family to me. It is always a pleasure to spend time with you. And to Mary Beth, thank you for everything!

Now I'm back in CA working on getting the rest of my funds raised and get on my way to Thailand!

4 Months Sober and Counting

It's been four months now. I can say that I'm seeing life a bit more clearly. I don't feel as much pressure to escape or be someone I'm not. I don't feel bombarded or weighed down. I don't feel like I have to try to make it on my own.

I feel like my power has been handed back to me. I can be me in spite of me. A burden has been lifted.

Most of you reading this know me and hopefully know that I don't have a substance abuse problem.

So what is it that I gave up?

Rap music.

Well, secular rap/hip hop that is. I've been listening to it for the better part of the last 20 years. I was told by my family that when I listened to this music it would change me. I acted different. Not a good different.

In high school I tried to find "Christian rap". To my disappointment there wasn't anything I would feel remotely comfortable telling people I listen to. DC Talk and Jars of Clay are aight but rap they are not. Those were my options at the time (90's). Needless to say, I indulged in the "rap of world". I've been listening to it ever since.

These songs promote promiscuity, lust, greed, materialism, self righteousness, sex trafficking, adultery, getting drunk, doing drugs, murder, hate, they degrade women, and more. As I filled my mind with these things as I was driving in my car and then tried to fill my mind with God doing Bible Studies at home or church I could literally feel the struggle to do and be what these songs say or to do or be what God says.

I couldn't continue to feed my mind and my heart with a little bit of each. I had to decide who or what I wanted to give myself fully to. I decided to quit secular rap. I felt like I lost a part of me. I love rap music. I love the beat. The sound. I just couldn't give up rap forever though.

There is a new movement changing the game. And it is changing it hard! What it is: rap by a Christian artist. What it isn't: Christian rap. Yes, there's a difference.

Lecrae, Andy Mineo, Social Club, Derek Minor, Trip Lee to name a just few. They are taking the world by storm! Andy Mineo's album Never Land hit the Billboard charts at #2. Yes the secular charts. Lecrae's album Anomaly hit the Billboard charts at #1 and he won a Grammy for one of his other albums. They are puttin out music that Christians and non believers alike want to listen to. They talk about real life issues and in no way water down their faith. It is music that anyone can relate to. It isn't just for Christians. It is for anyone that seeks truth and what is real.

Though they will most likely never read my blog, I am grateful for the 116 Clique, Gospel Gangstaz, and all of the rappers out there that are puttin out dope music that's real and doesn't lead me to lust after the things in this world that can't satisfy.

This song says what my heart feels. Imma tell the world!

Jesus Makes Me Uncomfortable

I consider myself an observer. I like to watch how things work or how people interact.


One thing I have been observing is this idea among Christians that God's grace allows us to do as we please with no consequences. As long as we love people then everything will be just fine. Claiming that Jesus only accepted and loved.

Unfortunately, that isn't exactly the example that Jesus gave us. Yes, he loved. Yes, he accepted. But, he also addressed the issue of sin. He is truth AND grace. He got angry when he witnessed people using the church to make money (Matthew 21:12-13). He confronted the adulteress woman about her current living conditions (John 4:1-26). Jesus befriend a tax collector - considered cheaters and thieves (Luke 19:1-9).

Those are only 3 examples. Jesus did not and does not have do-what-you-want-it's-cool attitude toward sin. All throughout scripture God promises us provision, protection, and communion with him should we commit our lives to him. Obedience is the key that give us access to the abundant life he has readily available for us.

When Jesus encountered individuals or groups there was always a discomfort there. Either you were uncomfortable with your sin and ran to Jesus for forgiveness OR you were uncomfortable with Jesus and you ran from him.

I believe with all my heart that we cannot encounter Jesus and remain comfortable. We cannot have a true relationship with him and willfully continue in a life that does not honor him.
The adulteress in John 4, after talking with Jesus, went and told the whole town about their conversation. Many of them became believers (John 4: 27-30, 39-42). Not only did the woman's life change, many of the people in her town came to know Jesus.

Jesus had dinner with the tax collector, Zacchaeus. The result of the encounter changed his life forever. Luke 19:8 says "But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look,Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Did you notice the phrase "here and now"? He could not continue in the lifestyle he had before because of his time with Jesus. He was no longer comfortable with being a crook.

If we say that we want to treat people the way the Jesus did then we have to follow his example. In order for us to know how Jesus lived and loved we must get to know him and his word. Jesus fully relied on the Holy Spirit, he interacted with (but was not influenced by) the lost, broken, and hopeless, and he loved them in such a way that they know the grace of God yet were not comfortable with sin. 


I pray for Jesus to make me uncomfortable with the things in my life that do not honor him. I get uncomfortable when I find my actions and thoughts are conforming to the pressures and influence of society and the widely accepted ways that go against the way God intends us to live. The Bible is God's word. It has stood the test of time. What he says stands true regardless of what the government or society or media tells us is right or acceptable.


To mold or water down or make comfortable the gospel to fit your lifestyle is no gospel at all.


Does Jesus make you uncomfortable?

What's next?

Hi there! Remember me? Ha!

So much has happened since my last blog. Let me fill you in.

I made forever memories with the kids in the Philippines. It takes but a thought of my time with them to put a warm smile on my face. I look forward to the day that we can be together forever. Along with all of the other incredible people I have met around the world!

After my time in the Philippines I spent two weeks in Thailand. Hang on. Let's back up a tad. While I was in the Philippines God began to challenge my faith. I have been in what I like to call a faith bubble most of my life. I grew up in church, have Christian friends, work(ed) at Christian schools, and moved to the Bible belt of America. But what would my faith look like if I was in a place where there was no faith in God? Would my faith be as strong as I believe it to be? Okay, now we can fast forward to Thailand. I had been pondering those questions for a good two months at this point. I get to Thailand and it hits me. This is a place with virtually no faith in Jesus. In fact, only 1% of Thailand puts their faith in Christ.

I couldn't ignore that Thailand is where my next stop will be. So how do I get there?

Step 1: Become a Missionary Associate
I recently became a Missionary Associate with the Assemblies of God! I have committed to a two year term. Shhh don't tell my mom! ;)

Step 2: Fund raise! I know, I know. The "f" word. It is as fun to do as it sounds. The truth of the matter is it has to be done. After my pre field training I began to see fundraising as an opportunity to meet and partner with people that are passionate about knowing Jesus and making him known, feeding the hungry, protecting the innocent, and about education.

I'm currently working part time. Why part time? To cover expenses while I'm stateside, put some funds into my missions account, and to have time to meet with people, pastors, and anyone who wants to hear about what I'm doing.

Lord willing, I will be leaving for Thailand in August. Please consider how you might partner with me. Prayer is crucial! Pray for wisdom, protection, provision, discernment, awareness, boldness, confidence, and anything else God puts on your heart. And of course there's the financial side of it. Monthly pledges are what's often referred to as "bread and butter". I will have monthly expenses - housing, language school, food, etc. Knowing that there will be something coming in each month gives any missionary peace of mind. There is no pledge or donation too small or too big.

Step 3: Move to Thailand!
In Thailand I will be working at a Community Center. I'll be teaching English, helping at feeding programs on the Myanmar border, helping with anti-human trafficking efforts, and of course building relationships with the students. I'll also be teaching English at an elementary school. Speaking English automatically qualifies you to teach it, right?

I even made some changes to the blog!

So that's an update on my life in a nutshell.

Eager to get me on the field? Click here to make your monthly pledge or a donation!

But I'm the victim!

Have you ever been hurt? Has your trust ever been betrayed? Have you ever been told that you aren't good enough? Have you ever been abused in any way - physically, emotionally, sexually?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions then you probably know how easy it is to operate with a victim mentality. Letting what happened to you define you and keep you shackled to your hurts.

Most of the students here at Happy Horizons Children's Ranch have been victims of sex trafficking, incest, rape, and physical abuse. They have every right to be angry and bitter and play the victim card.

But you won't find these kids feeling sorry for themselves. No, sir! They have a worship team. Every saturday they serve the families in their community. They have amazing talent - singing, playing instruments, art, dancing, dramas.

Today I got to tag along with one of the three community service groups. The community service
groups meet with 2-4 families, asses their needs, and decide who they should help. Today they chose to help an elderly woman. She is living with her grandchildren who are trying to kick her out. One of her legs has been amputated at the knee. She gathers coconut leaves that have fallen and makes hand brooms. The brooms are sold at 10 pesos each (about 25 cents). On a good day she sells 5. That's about a dollar a day. Barefoot and feeling neglected she longs to have a place of her own.

The community service group will be building her a home! No it won't be big or have running water and may not have electricity but it will be hers.

Watching all of this unfold in front of me made me speechless. How often have I felt like I couldn't help someone because I was busy hurting? How many people have I passed by because I was consumed by my fears of rejection? I was humbled today in a way that I haven't been before.

I am in no way discounting anything that may have happened to you or myself. Your hurt and feelings are valid. I am, however, challenging you to not let hurt and betrayal define you and dictate your life. Jesus has come so that we may have life to the full! John 10:10. God comforts us so that we can in turn comfort others. Don't keep your pain to yourself. Let it empower you to reach out to others that are hurting.

Unlimited!

I met with a new friend this morning. Which is neither here nor there but, on my way home I randomly thought about my cell phone plan. I have unlimited texting, data, mobile to mobile, and I have over 3,000 rollover minutes. (I don't like to talk on the phone ha!) I don't have to worry about going over or reaching my limit.

As I was pondering this the Lord said to me "that's me. What I have for you is unlimited, too!"

Wow! How cool is that?! So many times believers and non-believers alike put limits on God. On what He has and on what He can do. One thing we have to believe and trust, though we may never understand, is that God is not bound by the laws of life, economy, time, or anything the way that we are.

God is the source to our resources. He longs to pour out his blessings upon us but we, in our humanness and ignorance, have put limits on Him. I messed up here or there so now God can't use me. I used to be involved in this or that so I'm disqualified. We limit God. We try to make sense of a supernatural, infinite being with our natural, finite minds.

Jesus was sent to this world to give of his life so that we can have unlimited, unrestricted access to the throne of God. Hebrews 4:16 says "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." So, because of Jesus, our "disqualifications" don't factor in to how God wants to use us or if he can.

Don't limit God to what you think He should or shouldn't do for you. His word is FULL of people that "don't qualify" yet that is exactly who God chose to use. Wanted to use. You and I are no different. If you are willing to obey then you, too, are limitless. Nothing can keep God from using you or doing crazy, unimaginable things in your life. 

Obedience unlocks the unlimited power, resources, and blessings of heaven.

Luke 6:38 says "Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use it, it will be measured to you."

Take the limits off of God and he will show you how unlimited his blessings are for you. When you spend your resources - time, money, emotions - on the things of God you will not run out. You don't have to worry about reaching your limit or draining your resources. God promises to give you a "good measure". Now, He may not provide in the way that you want him to or think he should but he will provide.

Your challenge for the day/week is to ask God where you have limited him in your life. Then, take the limits off and see what God does. I would love to hear your stories! Please share about a time that you have witnessed the limitlessness of God. 

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Tanzania Newsletter

Here is a newsletter that gives you a glimpse into the three months I spent in Tanzania.

Tanzania Newsletter

Check out my other blogs to read stories that didn't make it in the newsletter.
You can also follow me on twitter or friend me on facebook to keep up with what I'm doing and where I'm going.

Thank you all for your support!!! Prayers are appreciated more than you know. Your financial generosity makes it possible for me to live a life of obedience. I couldn't do what I do with our wonderful people like you investing in my life.

Grateful!

Have you heard the one about...

If you are someone who has never left your country it is probable that you would have a skewed idea of what other countries are like. How they cook, what their bathrooms looks like, transportation, language, markets, smells, etc.

I have had the privilege of visiting a few countries. With each visit I become more aware of just how little I know about other cultures. I wish everyone could experience many cultures. It is a gift that will change your life.

I, ignorantly, assumed that it was Americans that didn't know about other cultures. My last trip to Tanzania showed me that this isn't true. (I don't know why it would be.)

These are just a few of the questions I was asked...

Does the washing machine rip your clothes? Does it get your clothes clean?

Do people walk? (As opposed to driving everywhere).

Are there orphans?

Does it rain? Is it cold? Are there mountains? Are you familiar with this kind of weather? (It was about 73 degrees that day).

Do people have HIV?

Are there thieves?

I have a big grin on my face I remember the times and places these questions came up. I'm glad I got to be the one to answer them. I fear that movies and television shows and music from America paint an unrealistic picture of life in the States - not only for foreigners but also for ourselves.

If you don't have the opportunity to visit another country I urge you to take the time to research a country you're interested in. Talk to people who have been there. Try find a restaurant that has good authentic food from that country.  Some of the best people to talk to would be missionaries. They see the heart of the country - good, bad and ugly. They know the people. The sights. The smells. The sounds.


I can never say thank you enough to those of you who pray for me and support me financially. Without your partnership I would not be able to do what I do. You all play a HUGE role in me getting to do what I created to do. I am blessed to get to travel the world and experience different cultures. May the Lord bless you as you invest in what He is doing in my life!

I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.

Today is day 11 back in the good ol' U.S. of A. I am still adjusting and processing. One thing keeps coming to mind. There's no going back.

 

I can never go back to life before missions. Life before experiencing other cultures.

We sang this song at church on Sunday, "I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. Though none go with me. Still I will follow. No turning back."

At the sound of the first note of the song my heart jumped to my throat and tears filled my eyes. This song was a favorite of my late youth pastor, PT. As I reminisced about the few short years I had with him I realized that he is responsible for my missionary life. It was with him that I did my very first mission trip. It was a two week trip to the Philippines in 2001. My life hasn't been the same since. He showed me, not only a part of the world I have never seen before, but that I -ME- could some how make a difference. I could be part of God's plan to change lives, circumstances, communities, and generations.

Yes, I know there is work that can and needs to be done here. But God gives each of us an assignment, a role. My lot is to be an international missionary. There is nothing that compares to the feeling and fulfillment of doing what you know you were made to do. For me that is traveling to other countries and sharing Jesus.

Like the song says, no turning back. I've tasted and seen why God created me and I refuse to settle for anything less. Like the song also says, though none go with me still I will follow. Countless times I have felt like I'm traveling this road alone. Sometimes because there aren't many that choose this path and sometimes because people just don't/can't/won't understand. If following Jesus means that I will be alone on this journey-leaving my family, country, and comforts of home-  then so be it. I don't regret for a second the choice I've made to follow Jesus or to do missions.

My hope and prayer is that you, too, will seek what it is that God has created you to do. What is your purpose? Are you living that purpose? I have this theory. Whatever it is that you are passionate about- helping single parents learn how to budget, starting a group home, domestic missions, international missions, starting a non profit, teaching life skills to at risk youth, taking in pregnant teens, talking to your neighbors, interceding for our gov't/country, photography, sports, technology- whatever it is, THAT is your purpose. God has given each of us a passion. (And it may be something you're not good at doing so that you will rely full on Him). Some of us have suppressed it because it doesn't make sense or it's too late or whatever reason the enemy has tricked you into believing. As long as you are still here on earth God has an abundant life, adventure filled, purpose for you!

Pursue that purpose regardless of what society says or your friends say or your family. One of the many, many cool things about God is that He does 99% of the work. We don't have to be qualified or educated or equipped. All we have to do is obey. That's it. He will do EVERYTHING else. By everything I mean provide, equip, empower, enable, and cover you. He has more than enough and is waiting to pour it out on anyone whose heart is turned to him and is willing to obey.

I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.

Dear Pastors, Stop!

In my search for a church home in Springfield, MO I went with a friend to her church. (Just between us, it felt more like a concert.) The end of the service came when the pastor invites (or is supposed to invite) the congregation to make the choice to follow Jesus. To my surprise and astonishment he said, "I'm not going to embarrass you by asking you to raise your hand or walk up front..."

Wait. What?? What just happened?

From that day, over a year ago, until now I have become more aware of these so called "alter calls". It deeply saddens me that pastors have associated choosing to follow Jesus with embarrassment. To me, that goes against everything Jesus is and the heart of the New Testament church.

Pastors, if we don't encourage people to be bold in making the choice to follow Jesus inside of the church how in the world can we expect them to live their faith boldly outside of the church? In the world. In a place that will chew you up and spit you out at the hint of you having faith in God.

If all of heaven rejoices when even one person commits their life to following Jesus then the church should do the same. The "alter call" time should be full of rejoicing and hope! The church is a place that has been set apart, consecrated to God. A place where believers come and worship together in unity. A place that welcomes anyone and everyone. A place where it should be safe to choose to follow Jesus without feeling embarrassed.

Can you imagine the Apostle Paul asking people to close their eyes and slyly raise their hands if they believe in Jesus and want to live for him? Ha! Yeah right. Yet, several times, when Paul shared the gospel- *no gimmicks, no coffee shop, no lasers, no smoke machine- thousands of people chose to follow Jesus. Yes, thousands.

As a church we should create an atmosphere of conviction rather than comfort. When God wants to change things in our lives (conviction) it is always for our good. It is always out of his deep, relentless love for us. Church should be a place of change. Change isn't comfortable. If we stay comfortable we won't change.

Pastors, fellow Christ followers, will you join with me in asking God to use us to create an atmosphere of conviction- at church, at home, at work? After all, it is God's sweet conviction and loving kindness that leads us to repentance. That turns our hearts to him. Will you join me in encouraging new believers to be bold in their decision to follow Jesus?

*side note: I'm not saying coffee shops, lasers, and smoke machines are bad. I'm saying we should be careful to not let them distract us from the tender touch of the Holy Spirit drawing our hearts to the Father or distract us from showing God the reverence he so deserves. 

My detox story. As told by me.

It's two months into my unexpected detox. I have not watched television, listened to the radio, or been to the movies. The power goes off randomly anywhere from 5 mins up to 22 hours. I have to warm up the water for my bucket shower. Sunny days means laundry day. Rainy days means water to wash, cook, and clean with.

It wasn't until about three days ago I realized I have been unknowingly detoxing from the pressures of American media and way of life. I have not been bombarded by advertisements that use sex to sell their product, commercials pushing consumerism and materialism, pressure to dress or act a certain way to impress, no one has taken my beliefs out of context and turned them into hate, and I haven't been exposed to inappropriate humor or behavior. I haven't used a washing machine, heater or a/c, toaster, microwave, or oven.

All of these things and then some have been so accepted in our society that it seems "normal" or "just the way things are these days".

I must say that I feel so free and light. Don't get me wrong, I love America and appreciate the opportunities that it offers. And the food! But, sometimes, as Christians, we have to examine the parts of the world that we have come to accept and participate in that don't honor God as far as media is concerned. Also, to examine if we are caught up in the flow of having to attain. There's even pressure to have gadgets to simplify our complicated lives. I can't help but think that the more gadgets we get the more complicated things become ha.

Being away from the media has shown me so much of the things in my life that offend God. I've also learned a much slower more simple way of life. I am learning the value of genuine community. It seems that there is a greater sense of community because of the simple way of living.

Now that I am aware of things in my life that offend God or try to distract me from him I can't just ignore it. I am looking forward to another month of detox and letting God continue to cleanse me and show me ways to have a simple life in the land of excess. Yes, I will thoroughly enjoy an actual shower and going to restaurants and grocery stores and sleeping without a mosquito net and the other great amenities of life in the States! I just don't want to get back to a place of needing them or the mindset that says I deserve them or being consumed by them, ya know? Good things lose their good-ness when they take our focus off of God even if it is only slightly.

A.W. Tozer says, "The evil habit of seeking God-and effectively prevents us from finding God in full revelation. In the "and" lies our great woe. If we omit the "and" we shall soon find God, and in Him we shall find that for which we have all our lives been secretly longing."

This "detox" has shown me the many "ands" I have been seeking along with trying to seek God. God and money. God and success. God and relationships. God and purpose. God and identity. The "ands" hinder me from finding God in the way that I want to and need to. In Him alone is everything I long for.

No shame in dancing naked

A few weeks ago I spent a week at Mwika Hope. It's an orphanage that Convoy of Hope provides food for. These children have seen and gone through things that no child should ever have to experience.

One child was put in a plastic bag and literally thrown away when he was born. His mom couldn't care for him and didn't know what else to do. But, we all know that there is no such thing as a life without purpose. God has plans for this young boy. A woman heard him crying and rescued him. As the years went by it was hard for the woman to care for him. She had heard of Mwika Hope and brought the boy there. He is doing well and loves Jesus. He's about 9 years old now. He knows that Jesus has a plan and purpose for him.

Several of the children were abandoned or orphaned or shunned by the community. Many of them are HIV+ as are their siblings and parents. You look at where these kids come from and the trials they are facing and it's easy to be overcome with sadness and sorrow.

Mama Mrina started Mwika Hope because of a dream she had. God told her to care for the children of her community that don't have anyone to care for them. Her husband is a pastor. Their church is on the property.

Some of the kids are part of the children's worship choir. Let me tell you something. When these kids sing and dance all you see in their eyes is hope. They aren't letting their circumstances define their future. They sing and dance with everything that is in them.

As my eyes filled up with tears I asked God why can't I sing and dance like they do? No, I'm not talking about physically haha. If you know me at all you know that I can't dance.
I'm talking spiritually. The hardest times in my life pale in comparison to what they have gone through and yet I have a hard time finding the joy to dance before the Lord like they do. God told me, "Joy is in the dancing. Freedom is in the dancing." I mentally battled my desire to be free and my insecurity of dancing.

Joy is in the dancing. That has played over and over in my head. Today I asked myself when was the last time I dance before the Lord? Danced because of what God has done. Danced because He is good. Danced because of the freedom He has given me.

Naturally, I thought of King David. He literally danced naked in worship to God. I, however, prefer to dance naked spiritually. Sometimes we put on this front like God doesn't really know all of who we are. He does! He loves us with an unfailing, relentless love. And, that my friend, is worthy of a dance. Like a child. Innocent and carefree. Twirling and jumping and expressing love and thankfulness to a God that isn't far removed from us but closer than our skin.

So, go ahead. Dance naked! Dance at church. Dance at home. Dance with your kids. Dance alone. Dance because joy is in the dancing. Dance because freedom is in the dancing.