4 Months Sober and Counting

It's been four months now. I can say that I'm seeing life a bit more clearly. I don't feel as much pressure to escape or be someone I'm not. I don't feel bombarded or weighed down. I don't feel like I have to try to make it on my own.

I feel like my power has been handed back to me. I can be me in spite of me. A burden has been lifted.

Most of you reading this know me and hopefully know that I don't have a substance abuse problem.

So what is it that I gave up?

Rap music.

Well, secular rap/hip hop that is. I've been listening to it for the better part of the last 20 years. I was told by my family that when I listened to this music it would change me. I acted different. Not a good different.

In high school I tried to find "Christian rap". To my disappointment there wasn't anything I would feel remotely comfortable telling people I listen to. DC Talk and Jars of Clay are aight but rap they are not. Those were my options at the time (90's). Needless to say, I indulged in the "rap of world". I've been listening to it ever since.

These songs promote promiscuity, lust, greed, materialism, self righteousness, sex trafficking, adultery, getting drunk, doing drugs, murder, hate, they degrade women, and more. As I filled my mind with these things as I was driving in my car and then tried to fill my mind with God doing Bible Studies at home or church I could literally feel the struggle to do and be what these songs say or to do or be what God says.

I couldn't continue to feed my mind and my heart with a little bit of each. I had to decide who or what I wanted to give myself fully to. I decided to quit secular rap. I felt like I lost a part of me. I love rap music. I love the beat. The sound. I just couldn't give up rap forever though.

There is a new movement changing the game. And it is changing it hard! What it is: rap by a Christian artist. What it isn't: Christian rap. Yes, there's a difference.

Lecrae, Andy Mineo, Social Club, Derek Minor, Trip Lee to name a just few. They are taking the world by storm! Andy Mineo's album Never Land hit the Billboard charts at #2. Yes the secular charts. Lecrae's album Anomaly hit the Billboard charts at #1 and he won a Grammy for one of his other albums. They are puttin out music that Christians and non believers alike want to listen to. They talk about real life issues and in no way water down their faith. It is music that anyone can relate to. It isn't just for Christians. It is for anyone that seeks truth and what is real.

Though they will most likely never read my blog, I am grateful for the 116 Clique, Gospel Gangstaz, and all of the rappers out there that are puttin out dope music that's real and doesn't lead me to lust after the things in this world that can't satisfy.

This song says what my heart feels. Imma tell the world!

Jesus Makes Me Uncomfortable

I consider myself an observer. I like to watch how things work or how people interact.


One thing I have been observing is this idea among Christians that God's grace allows us to do as we please with no consequences. As long as we love people then everything will be just fine. Claiming that Jesus only accepted and loved.

Unfortunately, that isn't exactly the example that Jesus gave us. Yes, he loved. Yes, he accepted. But, he also addressed the issue of sin. He is truth AND grace. He got angry when he witnessed people using the church to make money (Matthew 21:12-13). He confronted the adulteress woman about her current living conditions (John 4:1-26). Jesus befriend a tax collector - considered cheaters and thieves (Luke 19:1-9).

Those are only 3 examples. Jesus did not and does not have do-what-you-want-it's-cool attitude toward sin. All throughout scripture God promises us provision, protection, and communion with him should we commit our lives to him. Obedience is the key that give us access to the abundant life he has readily available for us.

When Jesus encountered individuals or groups there was always a discomfort there. Either you were uncomfortable with your sin and ran to Jesus for forgiveness OR you were uncomfortable with Jesus and you ran from him.

I believe with all my heart that we cannot encounter Jesus and remain comfortable. We cannot have a true relationship with him and willfully continue in a life that does not honor him.
The adulteress in John 4, after talking with Jesus, went and told the whole town about their conversation. Many of them became believers (John 4: 27-30, 39-42). Not only did the woman's life change, many of the people in her town came to know Jesus.

Jesus had dinner with the tax collector, Zacchaeus. The result of the encounter changed his life forever. Luke 19:8 says "But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look,Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Did you notice the phrase "here and now"? He could not continue in the lifestyle he had before because of his time with Jesus. He was no longer comfortable with being a crook.

If we say that we want to treat people the way the Jesus did then we have to follow his example. In order for us to know how Jesus lived and loved we must get to know him and his word. Jesus fully relied on the Holy Spirit, he interacted with (but was not influenced by) the lost, broken, and hopeless, and he loved them in such a way that they know the grace of God yet were not comfortable with sin. 


I pray for Jesus to make me uncomfortable with the things in my life that do not honor him. I get uncomfortable when I find my actions and thoughts are conforming to the pressures and influence of society and the widely accepted ways that go against the way God intends us to live. The Bible is God's word. It has stood the test of time. What he says stands true regardless of what the government or society or media tells us is right or acceptable.


To mold or water down or make comfortable the gospel to fit your lifestyle is no gospel at all.


Does Jesus make you uncomfortable?

What's next?

Hi there! Remember me? Ha!

So much has happened since my last blog. Let me fill you in.

I made forever memories with the kids in the Philippines. It takes but a thought of my time with them to put a warm smile on my face. I look forward to the day that we can be together forever. Along with all of the other incredible people I have met around the world!

After my time in the Philippines I spent two weeks in Thailand. Hang on. Let's back up a tad. While I was in the Philippines God began to challenge my faith. I have been in what I like to call a faith bubble most of my life. I grew up in church, have Christian friends, work(ed) at Christian schools, and moved to the Bible belt of America. But what would my faith look like if I was in a place where there was no faith in God? Would my faith be as strong as I believe it to be? Okay, now we can fast forward to Thailand. I had been pondering those questions for a good two months at this point. I get to Thailand and it hits me. This is a place with virtually no faith in Jesus. In fact, only 1% of Thailand puts their faith in Christ.

I couldn't ignore that Thailand is where my next stop will be. So how do I get there?

Step 1: Become a Missionary Associate
I recently became a Missionary Associate with the Assemblies of God! I have committed to a two year term. Shhh don't tell my mom! ;)

Step 2: Fund raise! I know, I know. The "f" word. It is as fun to do as it sounds. The truth of the matter is it has to be done. After my pre field training I began to see fundraising as an opportunity to meet and partner with people that are passionate about knowing Jesus and making him known, feeding the hungry, protecting the innocent, and about education.

I'm currently working part time. Why part time? To cover expenses while I'm stateside, put some funds into my missions account, and to have time to meet with people, pastors, and anyone who wants to hear about what I'm doing.

Lord willing, I will be leaving for Thailand in August. Please consider how you might partner with me. Prayer is crucial! Pray for wisdom, protection, provision, discernment, awareness, boldness, confidence, and anything else God puts on your heart. And of course there's the financial side of it. Monthly pledges are what's often referred to as "bread and butter". I will have monthly expenses - housing, language school, food, etc. Knowing that there will be something coming in each month gives any missionary peace of mind. There is no pledge or donation too small or too big.

Step 3: Move to Thailand!
In Thailand I will be working at a Community Center. I'll be teaching English, helping at feeding programs on the Myanmar border, helping with anti-human trafficking efforts, and of course building relationships with the students. I'll also be teaching English at an elementary school. Speaking English automatically qualifies you to teach it, right?

I even made some changes to the blog!

So that's an update on my life in a nutshell.

Eager to get me on the field? Click here to make your monthly pledge or a donation!

But I'm the victim!

Have you ever been hurt? Has your trust ever been betrayed? Have you ever been told that you aren't good enough? Have you ever been abused in any way - physically, emotionally, sexually?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions then you probably know how easy it is to operate with a victim mentality. Letting what happened to you define you and keep you shackled to your hurts.

Most of the students here at Happy Horizons Children's Ranch have been victims of sex trafficking, incest, rape, and physical abuse. They have every right to be angry and bitter and play the victim card.

But you won't find these kids feeling sorry for themselves. No, sir! They have a worship team. Every saturday they serve the families in their community. They have amazing talent - singing, playing instruments, art, dancing, dramas.

Today I got to tag along with one of the three community service groups. The community service
groups meet with 2-4 families, asses their needs, and decide who they should help. Today they chose to help an elderly woman. She is living with her grandchildren who are trying to kick her out. One of her legs has been amputated at the knee. She gathers coconut leaves that have fallen and makes hand brooms. The brooms are sold at 10 pesos each (about 25 cents). On a good day she sells 5. That's about a dollar a day. Barefoot and feeling neglected she longs to have a place of her own.

The community service group will be building her a home! No it won't be big or have running water and may not have electricity but it will be hers.

Watching all of this unfold in front of me made me speechless. How often have I felt like I couldn't help someone because I was busy hurting? How many people have I passed by because I was consumed by my fears of rejection? I was humbled today in a way that I haven't been before.

I am in no way discounting anything that may have happened to you or myself. Your hurt and feelings are valid. I am, however, challenging you to not let hurt and betrayal define you and dictate your life. Jesus has come so that we may have life to the full! John 10:10. God comforts us so that we can in turn comfort others. Don't keep your pain to yourself. Let it empower you to reach out to others that are hurting.

Unlimited!

I met with a new friend this morning. Which is neither here nor there but, on my way home I randomly thought about my cell phone plan. I have unlimited texting, data, mobile to mobile, and I have over 3,000 rollover minutes. (I don't like to talk on the phone ha!) I don't have to worry about going over or reaching my limit.

As I was pondering this the Lord said to me "that's me. What I have for you is unlimited, too!"

Wow! How cool is that?! So many times believers and non-believers alike put limits on God. On what He has and on what He can do. One thing we have to believe and trust, though we may never understand, is that God is not bound by the laws of life, economy, time, or anything the way that we are.

God is the source to our resources. He longs to pour out his blessings upon us but we, in our humanness and ignorance, have put limits on Him. I messed up here or there so now God can't use me. I used to be involved in this or that so I'm disqualified. We limit God. We try to make sense of a supernatural, infinite being with our natural, finite minds.

Jesus was sent to this world to give of his life so that we can have unlimited, unrestricted access to the throne of God. Hebrews 4:16 says "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." So, because of Jesus, our "disqualifications" don't factor in to how God wants to use us or if he can.

Don't limit God to what you think He should or shouldn't do for you. His word is FULL of people that "don't qualify" yet that is exactly who God chose to use. Wanted to use. You and I are no different. If you are willing to obey then you, too, are limitless. Nothing can keep God from using you or doing crazy, unimaginable things in your life. 

Obedience unlocks the unlimited power, resources, and blessings of heaven.

Luke 6:38 says "Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use it, it will be measured to you."

Take the limits off of God and he will show you how unlimited his blessings are for you. When you spend your resources - time, money, emotions - on the things of God you will not run out. You don't have to worry about reaching your limit or draining your resources. God promises to give you a "good measure". Now, He may not provide in the way that you want him to or think he should but he will provide.

Your challenge for the day/week is to ask God where you have limited him in your life. Then, take the limits off and see what God does. I would love to hear your stories! Please share about a time that you have witnessed the limitlessness of God. 

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Tanzania Newsletter

Here is a newsletter that gives you a glimpse into the three months I spent in Tanzania.

Tanzania Newsletter

Check out my other blogs to read stories that didn't make it in the newsletter.
You can also follow me on twitter or friend me on facebook to keep up with what I'm doing and where I'm going.

Thank you all for your support!!! Prayers are appreciated more than you know. Your financial generosity makes it possible for me to live a life of obedience. I couldn't do what I do with our wonderful people like you investing in my life.

Grateful!

Have you heard the one about...

If you are someone who has never left your country it is probable that you would have a skewed idea of what other countries are like. How they cook, what their bathrooms looks like, transportation, language, markets, smells, etc.

I have had the privilege of visiting a few countries. With each visit I become more aware of just how little I know about other cultures. I wish everyone could experience many cultures. It is a gift that will change your life.

I, ignorantly, assumed that it was Americans that didn't know about other cultures. My last trip to Tanzania showed me that this isn't true. (I don't know why it would be.)

These are just a few of the questions I was asked...

Does the washing machine rip your clothes? Does it get your clothes clean?

Do people walk? (As opposed to driving everywhere).

Are there orphans?

Does it rain? Is it cold? Are there mountains? Are you familiar with this kind of weather? (It was about 73 degrees that day).

Do people have HIV?

Are there thieves?

I have a big grin on my face I remember the times and places these questions came up. I'm glad I got to be the one to answer them. I fear that movies and television shows and music from America paint an unrealistic picture of life in the States - not only for foreigners but also for ourselves.

If you don't have the opportunity to visit another country I urge you to take the time to research a country you're interested in. Talk to people who have been there. Try find a restaurant that has good authentic food from that country.  Some of the best people to talk to would be missionaries. They see the heart of the country - good, bad and ugly. They know the people. The sights. The smells. The sounds.


I can never say thank you enough to those of you who pray for me and support me financially. Without your partnership I would not be able to do what I do. You all play a HUGE role in me getting to do what I created to do. I am blessed to get to travel the world and experience different cultures. May the Lord bless you as you invest in what He is doing in my life!