I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.

Today is day 11 back in the good ol' U.S. of A. I am still adjusting and processing. One thing keeps coming to mind. There's no going back.

 

I can never go back to life before missions. Life before experiencing other cultures.

We sang this song at church on Sunday, "I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. Though none go with me. Still I will follow. No turning back."

At the sound of the first note of the song my heart jumped to my throat and tears filled my eyes. This song was a favorite of my late youth pastor, PT. As I reminisced about the few short years I had with him I realized that he is responsible for my missionary life. It was with him that I did my very first mission trip. It was a two week trip to the Philippines in 2001. My life hasn't been the same since. He showed me, not only a part of the world I have never seen before, but that I -ME- could some how make a difference. I could be part of God's plan to change lives, circumstances, communities, and generations.

Yes, I know there is work that can and needs to be done here. But God gives each of us an assignment, a role. My lot is to be an international missionary. There is nothing that compares to the feeling and fulfillment of doing what you know you were made to do. For me that is traveling to other countries and sharing Jesus.

Like the song says, no turning back. I've tasted and seen why God created me and I refuse to settle for anything less. Like the song also says, though none go with me still I will follow. Countless times I have felt like I'm traveling this road alone. Sometimes because there aren't many that choose this path and sometimes because people just don't/can't/won't understand. If following Jesus means that I will be alone on this journey-leaving my family, country, and comforts of home-  then so be it. I don't regret for a second the choice I've made to follow Jesus or to do missions.

My hope and prayer is that you, too, will seek what it is that God has created you to do. What is your purpose? Are you living that purpose? I have this theory. Whatever it is that you are passionate about- helping single parents learn how to budget, starting a group home, domestic missions, international missions, starting a non profit, teaching life skills to at risk youth, taking in pregnant teens, talking to your neighbors, interceding for our gov't/country, photography, sports, technology- whatever it is, THAT is your purpose. God has given each of us a passion. (And it may be something you're not good at doing so that you will rely full on Him). Some of us have suppressed it because it doesn't make sense or it's too late or whatever reason the enemy has tricked you into believing. As long as you are still here on earth God has an abundant life, adventure filled, purpose for you!

Pursue that purpose regardless of what society says or your friends say or your family. One of the many, many cool things about God is that He does 99% of the work. We don't have to be qualified or educated or equipped. All we have to do is obey. That's it. He will do EVERYTHING else. By everything I mean provide, equip, empower, enable, and cover you. He has more than enough and is waiting to pour it out on anyone whose heart is turned to him and is willing to obey.

I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.

Dear Pastors, Stop!

In my search for a church home in Springfield, MO I went with a friend to her church. (Just between us, it felt more like a concert.) The end of the service came when the pastor invites (or is supposed to invite) the congregation to make the choice to follow Jesus. To my surprise and astonishment he said, "I'm not going to embarrass you by asking you to raise your hand or walk up front..."

Wait. What?? What just happened?

From that day, over a year ago, until now I have become more aware of these so called "alter calls". It deeply saddens me that pastors have associated choosing to follow Jesus with embarrassment. To me, that goes against everything Jesus is and the heart of the New Testament church.

Pastors, if we don't encourage people to be bold in making the choice to follow Jesus inside of the church how in the world can we expect them to live their faith boldly outside of the church? In the world. In a place that will chew you up and spit you out at the hint of you having faith in God.

If all of heaven rejoices when even one person commits their life to following Jesus then the church should do the same. The "alter call" time should be full of rejoicing and hope! The church is a place that has been set apart, consecrated to God. A place where believers come and worship together in unity. A place that welcomes anyone and everyone. A place where it should be safe to choose to follow Jesus without feeling embarrassed.

Can you imagine the Apostle Paul asking people to close their eyes and slyly raise their hands if they believe in Jesus and want to live for him? Ha! Yeah right. Yet, several times, when Paul shared the gospel- *no gimmicks, no coffee shop, no lasers, no smoke machine- thousands of people chose to follow Jesus. Yes, thousands.

As a church we should create an atmosphere of conviction rather than comfort. When God wants to change things in our lives (conviction) it is always for our good. It is always out of his deep, relentless love for us. Church should be a place of change. Change isn't comfortable. If we stay comfortable we won't change.

Pastors, fellow Christ followers, will you join with me in asking God to use us to create an atmosphere of conviction- at church, at home, at work? After all, it is God's sweet conviction and loving kindness that leads us to repentance. That turns our hearts to him. Will you join me in encouraging new believers to be bold in their decision to follow Jesus?

*side note: I'm not saying coffee shops, lasers, and smoke machines are bad. I'm saying we should be careful to not let them distract us from the tender touch of the Holy Spirit drawing our hearts to the Father or distract us from showing God the reverence he so deserves. 

My detox story. As told by me.

It's two months into my unexpected detox. I have not watched television, listened to the radio, or been to the movies. The power goes off randomly anywhere from 5 mins up to 22 hours. I have to warm up the water for my bucket shower. Sunny days means laundry day. Rainy days means water to wash, cook, and clean with.

It wasn't until about three days ago I realized I have been unknowingly detoxing from the pressures of American media and way of life. I have not been bombarded by advertisements that use sex to sell their product, commercials pushing consumerism and materialism, pressure to dress or act a certain way to impress, no one has taken my beliefs out of context and turned them into hate, and I haven't been exposed to inappropriate humor or behavior. I haven't used a washing machine, heater or a/c, toaster, microwave, or oven.

All of these things and then some have been so accepted in our society that it seems "normal" or "just the way things are these days".

I must say that I feel so free and light. Don't get me wrong, I love America and appreciate the opportunities that it offers. And the food! But, sometimes, as Christians, we have to examine the parts of the world that we have come to accept and participate in that don't honor God as far as media is concerned. Also, to examine if we are caught up in the flow of having to attain. There's even pressure to have gadgets to simplify our complicated lives. I can't help but think that the more gadgets we get the more complicated things become ha.

Being away from the media has shown me so much of the things in my life that offend God. I've also learned a much slower more simple way of life. I am learning the value of genuine community. It seems that there is a greater sense of community because of the simple way of living.

Now that I am aware of things in my life that offend God or try to distract me from him I can't just ignore it. I am looking forward to another month of detox and letting God continue to cleanse me and show me ways to have a simple life in the land of excess. Yes, I will thoroughly enjoy an actual shower and going to restaurants and grocery stores and sleeping without a mosquito net and the other great amenities of life in the States! I just don't want to get back to a place of needing them or the mindset that says I deserve them or being consumed by them, ya know? Good things lose their good-ness when they take our focus off of God even if it is only slightly.

A.W. Tozer says, "The evil habit of seeking God-and effectively prevents us from finding God in full revelation. In the "and" lies our great woe. If we omit the "and" we shall soon find God, and in Him we shall find that for which we have all our lives been secretly longing."

This "detox" has shown me the many "ands" I have been seeking along with trying to seek God. God and money. God and success. God and relationships. God and purpose. God and identity. The "ands" hinder me from finding God in the way that I want to and need to. In Him alone is everything I long for.

No shame in dancing naked

A few weeks ago I spent a week at Mwika Hope. It's an orphanage that Convoy of Hope provides food for. These children have seen and gone through things that no child should ever have to experience.

One child was put in a plastic bag and literally thrown away when he was born. His mom couldn't care for him and didn't know what else to do. But, we all know that there is no such thing as a life without purpose. God has plans for this young boy. A woman heard him crying and rescued him. As the years went by it was hard for the woman to care for him. She had heard of Mwika Hope and brought the boy there. He is doing well and loves Jesus. He's about 9 years old now. He knows that Jesus has a plan and purpose for him.

Several of the children were abandoned or orphaned or shunned by the community. Many of them are HIV+ as are their siblings and parents. You look at where these kids come from and the trials they are facing and it's easy to be overcome with sadness and sorrow.

Mama Mrina started Mwika Hope because of a dream she had. God told her to care for the children of her community that don't have anyone to care for them. Her husband is a pastor. Their church is on the property.

Some of the kids are part of the children's worship choir. Let me tell you something. When these kids sing and dance all you see in their eyes is hope. They aren't letting their circumstances define their future. They sing and dance with everything that is in them.

As my eyes filled up with tears I asked God why can't I sing and dance like they do? No, I'm not talking about physically haha. If you know me at all you know that I can't dance.
I'm talking spiritually. The hardest times in my life pale in comparison to what they have gone through and yet I have a hard time finding the joy to dance before the Lord like they do. God told me, "Joy is in the dancing. Freedom is in the dancing." I mentally battled my desire to be free and my insecurity of dancing.

Joy is in the dancing. That has played over and over in my head. Today I asked myself when was the last time I dance before the Lord? Danced because of what God has done. Danced because He is good. Danced because of the freedom He has given me.

Naturally, I thought of King David. He literally danced naked in worship to God. I, however, prefer to dance naked spiritually. Sometimes we put on this front like God doesn't really know all of who we are. He does! He loves us with an unfailing, relentless love. And, that my friend, is worthy of a dance. Like a child. Innocent and carefree. Twirling and jumping and expressing love and thankfulness to a God that isn't far removed from us but closer than our skin.

So, go ahead. Dance naked! Dance at church. Dance at home. Dance with your kids. Dance alone. Dance because joy is in the dancing. Dance because freedom is in the dancing.

Can't stop. Won't stop.

About 2 1/2 years ago I met my way cool BFF Mary Beth during my internship with Convoy of Hope. I often compare our relationship to that of David and Jonathan. A friendship that could only have happened because of God. The internship ended but we remained in touch.

We decided to do a devotion together via Facebook. She was in TN/MO and I was in California. We chose a study on John by Beth Moore. Changed my life forever!! Ever since then we have been doing bible studies regularly. Whether we are doing the same study or different ones we message our thoughts and responses to each other. This has made me so desperate to know God more and more. There would be gaps of a couple of days between studies and I found myself anxiously waiting for the book to arrive or eager decide which one to do next.

We have done at least 7 studies so far. Just yesterday we started No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. We decided to do this one together. Though I'm in Tanzania and she's in TN we can still encourage each other spiritually and discuss our journeys through these mini adventures with Jesus. Discovering mysteries in his word, learning more about his faithfulness, seeing things in our lives that need to change, encouraging each other to step out, asking questions without feeling judged, all things that draw us closer to God. 

It's safe to say I'm addicted! I don't ever want to not be doing some sort of bible study or devotion. There is no way to know everything there is to know about God but I want to spend my life getting to know him as much as I can!

Here are some of the studies and books we have done/are doing. I encourage you to do a study with a friend or a group. There is no limit to what God can do when we approach him honestly and openly. Find a person or 2-3 that you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable and open with. Allow God to use the group and the devotions to stir up a passion in your life! 

Bible studies/devotions:

By Beth Moore:

John: 90 Days with the beloved disciple 

David: 90 Days with a heart like his

Paul: 90 Days on his journey of faith

Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the fruit of the Spirit

By Kelly Minter:

Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break

No Other Gods: Confronting our modern-day idols

Ruth: loss, love, & legacy

By Lysa TerKeurst

Unglued devotional: 60 days of imperfect progress

Books:

By Lysa TerKeurst

Unglued: Making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions

By JoAnn Butrin

From The Roots Up: A closer look and compassion and justice in missions

By Dave Donaldson

Relentless: Pursuing a life that matters

I hope you enjoy one, some, or all of these as much as I have. I also hope that your relationship with Jesus will be more than you could have imagined!

A little foreskin, a big responsibility

I've been here for about 35 days now. It would take 35 days to tell all that I have seen, heard, felt, tasted, and smelled. It's a lot let me tell you!

One day I had a conversation about thieves, drugs, gangs, and the Masai circumcision ceremony. That hour and a half conversation left me bug-eyed and thankful to be a woman and respecting the Masai men a little more than I had before.

I want to share with you what I learned about the circumcision ceremony.

As a woman I am not permitted to know some of the details. I'm okay with that!
This is what happens- according to my friend...

The boy decides when he wants to be circumcised. He approaches his father and tells him that he is ready to be circumcised. The father begins to beat him with sticks and "test" him to see if he really is ready. Asking, "Are you sure you want this?", "So you're ready to be a man?", and so on. All the while hitting him and making sure he is ready mentally and physically.

When the father can see that his son truly wants to go through with it he prepares for the ceremony.

The son is taken away from the family -no females are permitted to see him. With the father and few other men they start the ceremony around 2pm. The son is taken into the woods. There the men continue to torment him. Testing his mental and physical strength and determination.

As darkness falls and the moon is the only light, they take the boy farther into the woods. One by one a man leaves the group. He begins to make hyena sounds and animal cries to scare the boy. The son is questioned, "where is so-and-so?" He doesn't know because it's too dark and he is in unfamiliar land. They tell him, "We killed him just like we are going to do with you" or "The lion got him". One by one they leave until it's just the father and son. The son is soon left alone. In the dark. Not knowing what is coming next.

Day breaks. The boy is sleep deprived and hungry. The men continue to test him. The sting of the sticks against the skin, the pinching, the mental games forcing the son to have the courage to go through with the circumcision or to back out and lose respect from the community and the chance to become a man.

Finally the time comes, around noon, to perform the circumcision. The son is washed and prepped. He mustn't cry or even flutter his eyes. They sit him down. Two men holding him at the shoulders. The father performs the circumcision. The son must remain brave and strong. If he even flinches he won't be considered a man.

The procedure is done. The boy the came into the woods has emerged a man. Now, he can no longer be picked on or told what to do.  For 30 days he is celebrated. Singing, dancing, and fed choice foods and meats. Once he returns to the community he has earned the respect of the men, women, and children.

My friend that shared this with me got circumcised when he was 13. Wow. And, ouch.

To become a man is a choice. It isn't at a certain age or if you have sex or when grow facial hair.  It's a decision that carries a lot of weight and isn't taken lightly.

Kinda gets you thinking about what you would do to become a man doesn't it? And, fellow women, can you imagine the angst of being away from your son for thirty days not knowing what is happening to him? I couldn't imagine. As painful as the process is it shows that manhood is a responsibility that is earned not just assumed.

Peace like a river?

I just got back from spending a week at the Convoy of Hope feeding program in Tanzania. I hit the one month mark while I was there. Has it really been a month already?!

Can I be transparent with you? The downside to being here alone is not having anyone to process things with. I am forced to be alone with my thoughts and ideas. The upside is that my prayer life has really improved. I think I'm better understanding the "pray continuously" verse in the Bible, ha! I have to depend on God to help think through all that I am experiencing here. It's a lot! A load that God is more than able to bear for me and with me.

My first day at the feeding program I was shown a nearby river. So, naturally, the next morning I went down there to pray, think, clear my head.

As I sat less than two feet from the water an old hymn came to mind. "When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul."

I watched the river to try to understand what makes a river so peaceful. Here is what I observed...
*Despite the many obstacles-trees, boulders/rocks, plants, land- it continues forward.
*The river doesn't know what lies ahead yet it surges forward, trusting the path.
*The plants and trees that are in and around it are lush and full of life.
*If you get lost (in the woods, hiking) the sound of a river gives you hope. There is life- food and water- nearby.
*Sometimes the river is gentle. Sometimes it is powerful.
*Through persistence the river can wear down/through the rocks that are in the way.

So it is with the peace of God. I have experienced many a breakthrough because of God's persistent peace. Trusting the path God has in front of me has brought me to Tanzania. If I ever stray, His peace draws me back to him. I have felt his soft gentle peace and his mighty rushing peace.

If you are facing a tough situation continue forward trusting the path. If you don't yet know the peace of God all you have to do is ask him for it. He will never ever run out and will never ever withhold his peace from a sincere heart.