No shame in dancing naked

A few weeks ago I spent a week at Mwika Hope. It's an orphanage that Convoy of Hope provides food for. These children have seen and gone through things that no child should ever have to experience.

One child was put in a plastic bag and literally thrown away when he was born. His mom couldn't care for him and didn't know what else to do. But, we all know that there is no such thing as a life without purpose. God has plans for this young boy. A woman heard him crying and rescued him. As the years went by it was hard for the woman to care for him. She had heard of Mwika Hope and brought the boy there. He is doing well and loves Jesus. He's about 9 years old now. He knows that Jesus has a plan and purpose for him.

Several of the children were abandoned or orphaned or shunned by the community. Many of them are HIV+ as are their siblings and parents. You look at where these kids come from and the trials they are facing and it's easy to be overcome with sadness and sorrow.

Mama Mrina started Mwika Hope because of a dream she had. God told her to care for the children of her community that don't have anyone to care for them. Her husband is a pastor. Their church is on the property.

Some of the kids are part of the children's worship choir. Let me tell you something. When these kids sing and dance all you see in their eyes is hope. They aren't letting their circumstances define their future. They sing and dance with everything that is in them.

As my eyes filled up with tears I asked God why can't I sing and dance like they do? No, I'm not talking about physically haha. If you know me at all you know that I can't dance.
I'm talking spiritually. The hardest times in my life pale in comparison to what they have gone through and yet I have a hard time finding the joy to dance before the Lord like they do. God told me, "Joy is in the dancing. Freedom is in the dancing." I mentally battled my desire to be free and my insecurity of dancing.

Joy is in the dancing. That has played over and over in my head. Today I asked myself when was the last time I dance before the Lord? Danced because of what God has done. Danced because He is good. Danced because of the freedom He has given me.

Naturally, I thought of King David. He literally danced naked in worship to God. I, however, prefer to dance naked spiritually. Sometimes we put on this front like God doesn't really know all of who we are. He does! He loves us with an unfailing, relentless love. And, that my friend, is worthy of a dance. Like a child. Innocent and carefree. Twirling and jumping and expressing love and thankfulness to a God that isn't far removed from us but closer than our skin.

So, go ahead. Dance naked! Dance at church. Dance at home. Dance with your kids. Dance alone. Dance because joy is in the dancing. Dance because freedom is in the dancing.

Can't stop. Won't stop.

About 2 1/2 years ago I met my way cool BFF Mary Beth during my internship with Convoy of Hope. I often compare our relationship to that of David and Jonathan. A friendship that could only have happened because of God. The internship ended but we remained in touch.

We decided to do a devotion together via Facebook. She was in TN/MO and I was in California. We chose a study on John by Beth Moore. Changed my life forever!! Ever since then we have been doing bible studies regularly. Whether we are doing the same study or different ones we message our thoughts and responses to each other. This has made me so desperate to know God more and more. There would be gaps of a couple of days between studies and I found myself anxiously waiting for the book to arrive or eager decide which one to do next.

We have done at least 7 studies so far. Just yesterday we started No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. We decided to do this one together. Though I'm in Tanzania and she's in TN we can still encourage each other spiritually and discuss our journeys through these mini adventures with Jesus. Discovering mysteries in his word, learning more about his faithfulness, seeing things in our lives that need to change, encouraging each other to step out, asking questions without feeling judged, all things that draw us closer to God. 

It's safe to say I'm addicted! I don't ever want to not be doing some sort of bible study or devotion. There is no way to know everything there is to know about God but I want to spend my life getting to know him as much as I can!

Here are some of the studies and books we have done/are doing. I encourage you to do a study with a friend or a group. There is no limit to what God can do when we approach him honestly and openly. Find a person or 2-3 that you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable and open with. Allow God to use the group and the devotions to stir up a passion in your life! 

Bible studies/devotions:

By Beth Moore:

John: 90 Days with the beloved disciple 

David: 90 Days with a heart like his

Paul: 90 Days on his journey of faith

Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the fruit of the Spirit

By Kelly Minter:

Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break

No Other Gods: Confronting our modern-day idols

Ruth: loss, love, & legacy

By Lysa TerKeurst

Unglued devotional: 60 days of imperfect progress

Books:

By Lysa TerKeurst

Unglued: Making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions

By JoAnn Butrin

From The Roots Up: A closer look and compassion and justice in missions

By Dave Donaldson

Relentless: Pursuing a life that matters

I hope you enjoy one, some, or all of these as much as I have. I also hope that your relationship with Jesus will be more than you could have imagined!

A little foreskin, a big responsibility

I've been here for about 35 days now. It would take 35 days to tell all that I have seen, heard, felt, tasted, and smelled. It's a lot let me tell you!

One day I had a conversation about thieves, drugs, gangs, and the Masai circumcision ceremony. That hour and a half conversation left me bug-eyed and thankful to be a woman and respecting the Masai men a little more than I had before.

I want to share with you what I learned about the circumcision ceremony.

As a woman I am not permitted to know some of the details. I'm okay with that!
This is what happens- according to my friend...

The boy decides when he wants to be circumcised. He approaches his father and tells him that he is ready to be circumcised. The father begins to beat him with sticks and "test" him to see if he really is ready. Asking, "Are you sure you want this?", "So you're ready to be a man?", and so on. All the while hitting him and making sure he is ready mentally and physically.

When the father can see that his son truly wants to go through with it he prepares for the ceremony.

The son is taken away from the family -no females are permitted to see him. With the father and few other men they start the ceremony around 2pm. The son is taken into the woods. There the men continue to torment him. Testing his mental and physical strength and determination.

As darkness falls and the moon is the only light, they take the boy farther into the woods. One by one a man leaves the group. He begins to make hyena sounds and animal cries to scare the boy. The son is questioned, "where is so-and-so?" He doesn't know because it's too dark and he is in unfamiliar land. They tell him, "We killed him just like we are going to do with you" or "The lion got him". One by one they leave until it's just the father and son. The son is soon left alone. In the dark. Not knowing what is coming next.

Day breaks. The boy is sleep deprived and hungry. The men continue to test him. The sting of the sticks against the skin, the pinching, the mental games forcing the son to have the courage to go through with the circumcision or to back out and lose respect from the community and the chance to become a man.

Finally the time comes, around noon, to perform the circumcision. The son is washed and prepped. He mustn't cry or even flutter his eyes. They sit him down. Two men holding him at the shoulders. The father performs the circumcision. The son must remain brave and strong. If he even flinches he won't be considered a man.

The procedure is done. The boy the came into the woods has emerged a man. Now, he can no longer be picked on or told what to do.  For 30 days he is celebrated. Singing, dancing, and fed choice foods and meats. Once he returns to the community he has earned the respect of the men, women, and children.

My friend that shared this with me got circumcised when he was 13. Wow. And, ouch.

To become a man is a choice. It isn't at a certain age or if you have sex or when grow facial hair.  It's a decision that carries a lot of weight and isn't taken lightly.

Kinda gets you thinking about what you would do to become a man doesn't it? And, fellow women, can you imagine the angst of being away from your son for thirty days not knowing what is happening to him? I couldn't imagine. As painful as the process is it shows that manhood is a responsibility that is earned not just assumed.

Peace like a river?

I just got back from spending a week at the Convoy of Hope feeding program in Tanzania. I hit the one month mark while I was there. Has it really been a month already?!

Can I be transparent with you? The downside to being here alone is not having anyone to process things with. I am forced to be alone with my thoughts and ideas. The upside is that my prayer life has really improved. I think I'm better understanding the "pray continuously" verse in the Bible, ha! I have to depend on God to help think through all that I am experiencing here. It's a lot! A load that God is more than able to bear for me and with me.

My first day at the feeding program I was shown a nearby river. So, naturally, the next morning I went down there to pray, think, clear my head.

As I sat less than two feet from the water an old hymn came to mind. "When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul."

I watched the river to try to understand what makes a river so peaceful. Here is what I observed...
*Despite the many obstacles-trees, boulders/rocks, plants, land- it continues forward.
*The river doesn't know what lies ahead yet it surges forward, trusting the path.
*The plants and trees that are in and around it are lush and full of life.
*If you get lost (in the woods, hiking) the sound of a river gives you hope. There is life- food and water- nearby.
*Sometimes the river is gentle. Sometimes it is powerful.
*Through persistence the river can wear down/through the rocks that are in the way.

So it is with the peace of God. I have experienced many a breakthrough because of God's persistent peace. Trusting the path God has in front of me has brought me to Tanzania. If I ever stray, His peace draws me back to him. I have felt his soft gentle peace and his mighty rushing peace.

If you are facing a tough situation continue forward trusting the path. If you don't yet know the peace of God all you have to do is ask him for it. He will never ever run out and will never ever withhold his peace from a sincere heart.

With Our Powers Combined...

Is this real life?

Am I really leaving for Tanzania in two days?

Can God truly forgive all that I have done and still want to use me?

Yes, yes and YES!

This Friday, Good Friday, I will set off for Tanzania!

I know I have said this numerous times but I am sincerely humbled, and deeply appreciative of all of you that have come along side me on my journey. Your thoughtfulness, advice, investment, friendship, encouragement, prayers, and financial investments have made a great impact on my life. Your partnership with me and with God make it possible for me to live the life of a missionary. The life that I was created to live! I couldn't do what I do with out people like you.

There are times that I miss my family so much it hurts. There are times that I cry as I take a bucket shower. There are times that the heat can seemingly be too much to handle. There are times when a western toilet would be like a piece of heaven. But.. I wouldn't change any of the uncomfortable circumstances for anything! I have never been more fulfilled than when I am on the mission field.

If you would like to keep track of what I am up to in Tanzania...

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Much love!

Calibrate yourself before you wreck yourself. No, wait...

Has your alignment ever been off?

How do you notice that it isn't quite aligned? It slightly moves off center, right? If you let go of the steering wheel the vehicle will begin to veer to the left or right.

This morning at our weekly chapel Michael Redmon was sharing the story of when Ezra asked God to fill him one more time. When he said that the word "calibrate" came to my mind. I started thinking about how, like our vehicles and devices, we need to be calibrated or aligned now and again.

At first we don't really notice that our vehicle is off. We unconsciously counteract it by steering against it.  We don't really know how bad it is until we let go of the steering wheel and the vehicle changes lanes like it has a mind of its own ha. Before we know it we have a flat tire due to the constant fight between driver and wheels.

Life can be like that can't it? We don't really notice that we are heading slightly off course. Maybe we make a few subtle choices here and there that we thought weren't a big deal. Unknowingly those choices caused us to veer off course. Those choices lead to less subtle choices. And now we we're fighting just to stay where know we should be but aren't aligned to continue that direction.

Wear and tear on the tires, tire pressure, potholes, and hitting curbs can all cause wheels to be knocked out of alignment.

Similarly, loss, insecurity, pride, other's choices, life in general can cause us to get knocked off course.

Sometimes, in life, we need to let go of the steering wheel, accept the truth about where we are, and allow God to center us.To calibrate us. Align us. He doesn't expect us to keep things together on our own. In fact, if we could do life on our own he wouldn't have given us Jesus.

If you know the Lord take this time to examine where you are. Ask God if you are still heading in the direction he has sent you. Are you still next to Him? Have you started to veer off?

If you do not know Jesus. Take this time to begin a relationship with him. He is a gentleman and will not force himself into your life. He will, however, knock on the door and wait for you to let him in. Without him we will look to people and things to help us make sense of who we are. True fulfillment is only found in Jesus.

Warning: this might offend you.

It's bad enough that people on facebook post pictures and stories and want you to share them to prove that you love Jesus but why do they have to add "most of you won't repost this but the few of you that really love Jesus will."?! Seriously?! Because that's how we show our love for Christ? You have got to be kidding me!! We prove who Christ is to us by how we represent him in real life. Not by simply clicking "like" or "share". Anybody can do that.

Why have we allowed Christianity to be watered down and sugar coated like this? It really bothers me. I am less than perfect and know that I am nothing without Christ. I have made more mistakes than I'd like to admit but liking a picture on fb doesn't change that. Only forgiveness and the grace of God changes that.

Our lives should be the evidence of our belief in God. Even still, believing in God is only the beginning. The demons believe in God -- and shutter! We believe in God and have to like a picture? No thanks. That's not the Christianity that I want.

We sometimes forget that it's God's loving kindness that leads to repentance. Not guilt or shame. Those are NOT of God. We should never make someone feel guilty or shameful. How was it that you came to know Jesus? "It is by grace that you have been saved through faith in Christ Jesus." It is a gift. Not everyone will choose to receive this gift of grace but that is between them and God. Our responsibility is to love God and love people.

Jesus was a rebel. He went against religion. He gives freedom from religion. For us to promote anything less than that goes against all that Christ did for humanity.

I'm not saying that liking or sharing anything about Jesus is bad or wrong but I think we can do more to share our love for Jesus. When we see Jesus face to face he isn't going to ask how many likes or shares we contributed to on facebook. He will either say well done my good and faithful servant or I know you not.

Thank you for letting me vent. I just don't understand the guilt trip with pictures and stories that want you to prove you love Jesus. Jesus never ever makes anyone feel guilty. We shouldn't either.

End rant.